I Did It!

Friday night as I drove home from work on Nebraska St. a car pulled
out in front of me. The car proceeded to drive top speeds of 18-20 mph.
I know the exact speed because I checked it often. As my car felt like it
was coming to a complete stop, I took a deep breath. It was a test from
God. I should have seen it coming. Would I be kind? Would I honk my
horn? Would I yell at the slow driver as though it would influence their
rate of speed? I'll tell you what I did...... I prayed. I thought about kind-
ness. I turned up the radio. I thought about sad things. I did anything
I could to take my mind off of the road rage begging to surface. I am
pleased (somewhat surprised) to say that it worked. There was a brief
moment when the car made a quick left hand turn without blinkers when
the road
rage surfaces just a bit. I nearly slammed into the car in
front of me as the car behind me nearly rear ended me. My hand was
on the horn BUT I did not honk. Sad to say but this was a huge step for me.
s je



I'm still thinking about kindness. Have you ever had a conversation with someone about an area in your life that you need to work on or something that's just on your mind and then find that you are more keenly aware of it afterwards? That's what happened to me after I posted on kindness. I have paid more attention to the acts of kindess I see and experience. It's been fun to talk with some of you and hear how you too are noticing acts of kindness... Kelley has been blessed with kindness at school in the past week. I am also more aware of the opportunities I am missing to bless someone with acts of kindness. The other night after I wrote the original post I was mowing my lawn. As usual my yard had items from the neighbors trash that has not been placed in it's appropriate place. As usual my first thought is, "I wish they would start picking up their trash so I am not picking up the million pieces after my mower hits it...". But, a funny thing happened then. As soon as the first thought was gone I heard this little voice inside my head (I have lots of voices). The voice said, "wouldn't it be a kind thing to just pick up the trash from your yard and in theres....." Instantly my attitude changed. I picked up the items of trash in my yard and finished mowing. I didn't pick up their yard. I'll let you know if I go to that extreme :). I guess my point is that my perspective changes quickly when I viewed the situation through eyes of kindness.

I have gone to bed three times since my original post of kindness thinking, "when I wake up I am going to think about how I can be kind". Something happens over night. It hasn't worked yet. I wake up with important thoughts like, "it can't be time", "am I sick enough to stay home today?", "how will I get everything done today?"... I know that my thoughts as I start the day influence the day. I am really working on this.

Today I was driving to a meeting. I had the windows down, radio cranked, and I was singing along to "Save a Horse....... you know the rest :). It's just a catchy tune. My attention turned quickly to the funeral processional passing in front of me. I instinctively stopped my car and turned my radio off. I am always amazed at the acts of respect that we easily and naturally perform when someone has died. Years ago I had a client who died. As I attended the funeral and graveside service I realized that I was more aware of what was going on with the people around me and all of the details of the day. This was likely due to the fact that I was not emotionally attached and did not know any one at the funeral. I took note of the kindess extended to family. I took note of the precision and care that was used when the coffin was moved. I took note of the traffice that came to a complete stop as the processional passed by. I even noticed the mailman who stopped on the sidewalk and removed his hat as the processional passed him. I remember thinking then about the respect and kindness we show to people who have died. I believe that this respect is very appropriate. But it made me wonder why it seems like sometimes we show more respect and kindness going through the process of death than to people we pass when they are alive. I continue to wonder about this. Each time I see a funeral procession passing by I wonder if the person was treated with respect and kindness when they were alive. And each time it serves as a reminder to me of my need to show kindness.

Someone suggested in a comment before that I should do a post of ways to show kindness. Don't you find that there are times when kindness just flows naturally from you and other times when it is very intentional, planned, difficult? It seems easy at times to shower people we are trying to impress or gain the approval of with kindness. It is much more challenging to bless someone with kindness when they have hurt us deeply. I think that there are times that kindess is simply expressed through a smile or tone of voice. Kindness can be shown through a card send to encourage someone or flowers. Kindness can be given in a matter of seconds. Shelli and Don have been extremely kind to me probably without intending to. They often include me in family meals and activities. As a single person who lives a distance away from her family person that's a very kind thing to do. This spring I looked out my kitchen window to see Shelli and Don unloading mulch into my landscaping. I was so appreciative of their act of kindness. My Mother will often put a small note card in the mail to remind me she's praying for me. It's such an encouragement. Lynn blesses me with acts of kindness often. She has mowed my lawn several times just because she wants to. To her it's no big deal and only takes 20 minutes. But to me it is such a treat! Last week after allowing me to float in her pool (favorite summer activity), Sue told me to retreive as many tomatos as I wanted from her garden. I'm sure to her it was nothing to speak of but again such a treat for me! I could go on and on but will stop for now. I would love to hear about the acts of kindness you are experiencing.

When I worked at a boarding school in SD I had a day of the week that I designated my "all about others day". It was Tuesday and I was the only one that knew about my special day. We lived on a small campus and were like a family. We had to haul our drinking water from a tap in the main builing. Sometimes on my day I would retrieve water jugs from people's homes and fill them. Other times I would secretly clean a friends house, do dishes, do laundry for people.... Some times I might buy a treat or write an encouraging note. You get the picture. It didn't matter what the act was. That wasn't important. What was important was what happened in my heart and to my attitude through these acts. It was impossible to have a bad attitude or have selfish thoughts on my "all about others day". It wasn't about me. I find that it's so much easier to have the right perspective about life when my focus is on others. It's so easy to be focused on myself and all of the things that aren't going right..... I am a bit ashamed to say that when I left SD for some reason I left the "all about others day" behind. I'm not sure why. I know that I suffer from a more negative attitude now. Could it be that a small thing like one day out of seven set aside for others impacted me in such a huge way? I think it's time to re-visit it.

Surprised By Kindness

"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and
the deaf can hear and understand".
-Christian Bovee

I've been thinking about......kindness. I came across the above quote in the John Mawell book I am reading, "Winning With People". It is an excellant book by the way for anyone who has contact of any kind with people (should cover everyone).

Today I attended a school conference with a case manager for a young boy he is working with. The case manager wanted me to attend to help his advocate for this family. This young boy has many behavior problems. As the staff shared the boys history with us I felt great empathy for what they have had to deal with. I am happy to say that it turned out to be one of the most productive school meetings I have been a part of. The school is a beautiful building and this boy will have a large variety of resources availabe to him. The Mother left feeling like a good behavioral management plan was in place and hopeful for this new school year. What stood out to me the most though was the kindness that was shown towards the Mother and the young boy. All four school represenatives did such a neat job of showing value to this family. I have witnessed too many times the disrespectful and un kind treatment that "special need" or "difficult" kids and families receive. It got me thinking about the fact that I am often more surprised when I see kindness then when I don't.

A couple weeks ago I was at Circle K treating myself to a sweet juice (AKA...Pepsi). The man in front of me turned and said he thought he got a free drink with the pizza he was buying. Thils stranger told me that he wanted to give the free drink to me. I was shocked and very appreciative. ( Wouldn't it be a cool story if I told you that this turned out to be my dream man and we were getting married......Nope. I got a free sweet juice, no husband :) ) Anyway, I was so surprised by this act of kindness that I must have told four people about it when I got back to the office.

Today I was leaving a building in a hurry to my next appointment. On the sidewalk I passed this little old lady who was moving slowly pulling a large suit case behind her. I smiled and said hello as I passed. As I was passing I heard this little voice in my head say, "she looks like she's struggling, you should offer her a ride". By the time I finished the thought I was at my car. As I got into my car the guilt increased. I was disappointed in myself for not showing kindness by at least asking if she needed help. But, as usual I was in a hurry. I did cirlce around to see if I saw her. I was releived to see that she was waiting at a bus stop. Sidenote..... don't get concerned about me. I am not going the "everyone should pick up strangers on the side of the road" route with this post. :)

A month or so ago I was having car trouble. A good friend let me use her car to drive to my parents for the weekend (two hours away). On my way back home on Sunday night my friends car died on me in the middle of no where. I was on a somewhat busy country road and did not have much of a phone signal. As I tried to call my family for help the tears began to flow. I was already stressed about the fact that my own car needed work and now I was stranded with a friends broken car. Long story short is that I was able to contact my family and all ended was ok. I think I stood by the car waiting for my family for about 45 minutes. What struck me after about 15 minutes was the cars that were giong by without stopping to see if I was ok or if I needed help. As the minutes ticked by it almost turned in to a game. What car will stop? Who will be the kind person that will be concerned about this woman standing by her car in the heat crying? Car after car went by. Now, I ask you, "do I look like a serial killer?" I can understand what maybe a female alone maybe wouldn't stop for fear of it being a trap...... Again, I don't want to give the impression that I stop for hitch hikers.... I speed by plenty of people along side the roadways having car trouble.... Why was I so surprised that day? At one point a car did pull off the road about 15 feet in front of me. The winner. A nice couple my parents age who are concerned about this poor girs stranded a long side the road. Nope. The lady jumped out of the passenger side and retreived something from the trunk. She never even looked in my direction before she got back into the car and off they went. I was shocked! I realize there could be a hundred different reasons why someone did not stop. It just got me thinking I guess.

These situations have led me to these questions, "do I practice kindness?", are people surprised when they witness my kindness?", "would people describe me as a kind person?"

There are many times that I am deficient in the kindess department. I am most deficient when I am behind the wheel!! I admit it. I am not proud of it. I suffer from "road rage disorder". I think I am a pretty patient and tolerant person most of the time. It usually takes a lot to push me to my boiling point. BUT, put me on Nebraska street on my way to a meeting behind a person driving 20 mph and I turn into a different person! I'm sure that my horn will need to be replaced before my brakes. That's terrible to say I know. I really work on this too! I make a conscious effort every time I get in the car to be kind, be patient, take a deep breath, lay off the horn..... If I have ever been behind you in traffic I apologize! I'm working on it.

As I think through these things I usually come back to thoughts about what's truly important in life. I think about the busyness of life and what I miss becasue of it. My desire is to be someone who shows value to others. I am trying to look at things differently. Wouldn't it be incredible to get up in the morning thinking, "how can I show kindness to people today?" instead of "how can I get everything done today?" I'm a long way from it!

Life is precious- Life is sweet

I've been thinking......about a lot of different things lately. I don't know if I am becoming more analytical as the years go by or if it's normal to be contemplating life so much now that I'm 32 ?(ok,ok add a few years) I had a revelataion about myself in a conversation with my best friend a couple months ago. It should have already been obvious to me. I can't explain why it hit me the way it did that day but I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I realized that day that I do not live in the moment. I live mostly is the past and in the future. I rarely live in the moment. I struggle with fear and worry. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. But, I will save those topics for another month worth of posts. I started realizing that I do through my days with thoughts about yesterday. I think about mistakes I may have made or things I wished I had done differently. I then move right into worrying about tomorrow..... It hit me that in doing this I miss out on so much or at least do not allow myself to enjoy all of the little moments that make up the day. My best friend lives life so differently than me. This is one of the qualities I admire most about her. She lives in the moment. To her yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not a thought yet. She will live in tomorrows moments when it arrives. I am trying to change this about me. It is not easy. It does not come natural. I am striving to simply live in the moment. It's amazing what happens when I do this. My whole perspective on life is different. I am more grateful. I am more aware of lifes blessings. This brings me to my weekend. For those of you who do not like long posts, hang on. :) This weekend was the "Aunt Lynn/Aunt Missy slumber party". In attendance were the Rowley kids and my two neices (Mike and Barb's). That's a total of 6 kids. First let me say that Aunt Lynn knows how to throw a slumber pary for kids! She had taken four of her mattresses from her beds and put them in her living room. It was a kids dream! We literally had wall to wall matresses. Of course there was no jumping!!!!!! Way to dangerous!!!! :) We had pizza, ice cream, a trip to the Gas City zoo and movies. The kids had a blast. Who knew a pot belly pig, goats, and mangly deer could bring so much joy to kids? At one point in the evening Lynn and I were cleaning up the kitchen and the living room grew quiet. All 6 kids had retreated to the bathroom where they were working on a "secret plan". Several minutes later they filed out of the bathroom and assumed their positions in the kitchen. They informed Lynn and I that they had made up a song for us. Hannah started and the other 5 joined into the song, "we love Lynn and Missy, we love Lynn and Missy......." They had worked so hard on their song even creating choreography. It was precious. In the middle of their singing I had one of those moments when time stopped. I have these moments every once in awhile. I stood there thinking, "this isn't how I thought my life story would go, I thought life would look different than this". Have you ever had those moments? I always thought my life story would be : college, marriage, kids, happily ever after. The moment was gone quickly. It was replaced with the voice within me that said, "this is one of those moments you must live in". How blessed I am to have these moments. The autobiography of my life has not turned out as I would have written it 20 years ago. The truth is that I am certain the story God has placed me in is better than the story I would have written. I do not have a husband and children. BUT, I have four beautiful neices that love their Aunt Mimi. There is nothing better than calling my neice Chloe and hearing her jump and and down in excitement when I tell her I'll be home on four days. I am blessed to have a second family in Marion (Munday/Rowley clan). What an awesome thing to hear that one of the Rowley girls prayed for me the night before as they got ready for bed. I am incredibly grateful to have a best friend to walk beside as I navigate through the path of life. And of course how precious and sweet the song the kids sang at the slumber party. At this point I need to explain further how the rest of the slumber party went. It may have been a test in just how precious I thought things were earlier in the evening. The movie ended and we all got into our jammies, grabbed our "night-nights", and settled into out slice of the wall to wall bed. I was just settling into a good dream (probably involving my boyfriend Matther McCaugheny) when one of the little angels (she will remain nameless) started to make a strange noise. My eyes flew open and I thought, "someone has to go to the bathroom. I was just starting to sit up as the strange noise turned into a frantic noise. It took only a second to realize that the slumber party had taken a turn for the worst. The little angel making the frantic noise started projectile vomiting. I can still smell it as I write. :) The memory of the smell is burned into me because I was struck in the neck, hair, cheek, and mouth by the projected matter. AUnt Lynn sprung into action running our "subject" to the bathroom as I rinsed off in the sink. I moved kids around and stripped bedding. Aunt Lynn was such a great nurse as she tended to the subject. After I cleaned up, the subject was cleaned up, laundry started, we went back to bed. The second incident happened approx. 15 minutes later. This time the projected matter missed me but covered Aunt Lynn's leather couch. :) Again, we stripped bedding and cleaned up all while the other angels still slept. Thankfully the third incident was confined to the large bowl AUnt Lynn had ready for action. I really need to mention again what a great nurse Lynn was. Lynn is a heavy sleeper and once slept through a house being surrounded by police sirens and a helicopter in a rental we shared with two other friends ( details another time). It is virtually impossible to raise Lynn when she is asleep. :) But Aunt Lynn was alert and loving as she cared for her sick little neice. After the last incident we couldn't help but laugh. As I collapsed back onto my cliver of the wall to wall bed I said to Lynn, "well I have my blog topic for Monday". I am happy to say that in spite of everything I still woke up on Saturday thinking how thankful I was for the moments that God has given me. Life is not always fair, easy or clean. Life is often not how we planned it. But, I say with confidence that life is precious, life is sweet. What a privilege to be a part of these little lives God has surrounded me with. Priceless!

Conversation with a stranger

I've been thinking...... about a conversation I had with a stranger last week. I don't know what her name was. All I know is that she was a Grandmother with broken English, a life time of pain, and a lesson to teach me. I met this stranger at a meeting she attended with her troubled Grandson. My agenda that day was very simple: listen to several families come in and tell there stories, give my opinion on what should happen, and get back to the office ASAP. I had a million things waiting for me at the office and didn't have time to waste at this meeting. When this particular Grandmother was done talking I had a quick question for her. Rather then ask in front of everyone I followed her out into the hallway. I asked my quick question but she did not give a short answer. In fact it seemed that her aswer rolled into a whole other topic. I found myself growing impatient after about 60 seconds of her rambling. I am not proud to say that I was not listening to her. I did my best to be kind. I kept thinking, "I need to get back into my meeting, I could be missing something important". I attempted to re-direct her and end the conversation at least three times. Didn't this stranger know that she was blocking my agenda? She was taking too much of my precious time. She talked about her Grandson. She talked about the tragedy that he had already known in his short life. She talked about her own children and the tragedy's that they experienced. I felt the Lord convict check my attitude. I talk often to the people I supervise about the value they need to show others. I tell them, "if you do nothing else in your time with families then show them value, you have done much". How hypocritical I was being as I attempted to get out of this conversation! I was thinking, "why did I follow this Chatty Cathy out here". I wasn't thinking, "how can I show this woman value?" About 10 minutes into our conversation she may have sensed by my body language that I was ready to go. She apologized for taking my time and then thanked me for just listening to her. She explained that she has no one to talk to and appreciated my kindness. I instantly felt convicted and ashamed of my attitude. Here I was in a hurry to get back to my business of helping pople and totally ready and willing to ignore this opportunity that God palced right in front of me. Instantly my heart softened and I continued to engage this stranger in conversation. She went on to share her life story. She talked about the physical abuse she had known her entire 49 year marriage. I was amazed as I often am of the personal details people share with a stranger when they are desperate for someone to talk to. She shared with me details about her wedding and first years of marriage. She shared with me what it was like to be abused on your wedding night... It was obvious that this poor stranger was full of years of bottled up pain. My meeting ended and people filed out of the meeting room and past my stranger friend and I. Most of them pased by as if they did not notice us standing there. I am sure they did not want to be pulled in to a conversation that would take them away from there next agenda. A couple of them turned towards me behind the strangers back and rolled their eyes in empathy towards me. It did not matter. We finished our conversation and the stranger thanked me over and over for my kindness. "It was so nice to just talk to someone she said". We went our seperate ways then. This stranger who I had a 30 minute conversation with left a mark on me that day. I was reminded that it only takes a short amount of time (often less than 30 minutes) to show someone value. I ask myself, "how many times do I pray that God will help me love others and then completely look over the others he puts in my path?" Do I only love others when they fit into my agenda? I'm not sure how many things I was able to cross off my "to do" list at work that day. I don't think it mattered. If I was able to show value to a hurting individual by simply listening to her story then I think my day was successful. As I shared in my previous post, I am seeking ways to focus on the important things in life. For me the important things in life are people. I am ashamed that I came very close to missing out on this encounter with a stranger that day because of my list of things to do. I have found that most of the time the things on my important to do list are really not important at all.

Surprise!

I've been thinking...............about starting a blog for awhile now. Actually, I am feeling peer pressure. I don't fit in with the "blog crowd". I attend sunday school and ladies activities and when the conversation turns to blogging I am lost. Out of curiosity I recently visited my first blog sight. I realized that I did enjoy reading others blogs. I simply have not felt that I had anything important or interesting to say. I wish I could blog updates on how my triathalon training is going like my amazing athletic friends are. BUT, the Tae Bo videos did not produce the amazing results I had hoped for (and paid for). Due to the nature of my work I considered a blog on, " 100 secrets I've heard this year". I guarantee it would keep you on the edge of your seat but would likely land me in the unemployment line (and in court). I spent a great deal of time debating what template style and title to use for my blog. The process of making such big decisions was a bit stressful for me. I don't think that's a good sign. I am exicted about re-connecting with old friends and growing closer to new friends via this blog. Life has gotten so busy and I feel so out of touch with so many people. I am finding myself wanting to find ways to SIMPLIFY my life. I'm not sure if it's my age or just exhaustion from the business of life. I feel a need to find ways to focus on the truly important things in life. For me that is people. I suppose that is my biggest motivation in starting this blog.

Thanks to my friend Kelley for walking me through "Blogging 101". I'd still be working on signing in without her help :)