Surprised By Kindness

"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and
the deaf can hear and understand".
-Christian Bovee

I've been thinking about......kindness. I came across the above quote in the John Mawell book I am reading, "Winning With People". It is an excellant book by the way for anyone who has contact of any kind with people (should cover everyone).

Today I attended a school conference with a case manager for a young boy he is working with. The case manager wanted me to attend to help his advocate for this family. This young boy has many behavior problems. As the staff shared the boys history with us I felt great empathy for what they have had to deal with. I am happy to say that it turned out to be one of the most productive school meetings I have been a part of. The school is a beautiful building and this boy will have a large variety of resources availabe to him. The Mother left feeling like a good behavioral management plan was in place and hopeful for this new school year. What stood out to me the most though was the kindness that was shown towards the Mother and the young boy. All four school represenatives did such a neat job of showing value to this family. I have witnessed too many times the disrespectful and un kind treatment that "special need" or "difficult" kids and families receive. It got me thinking about the fact that I am often more surprised when I see kindness then when I don't.

A couple weeks ago I was at Circle K treating myself to a sweet juice (AKA...Pepsi). The man in front of me turned and said he thought he got a free drink with the pizza he was buying. Thils stranger told me that he wanted to give the free drink to me. I was shocked and very appreciative. ( Wouldn't it be a cool story if I told you that this turned out to be my dream man and we were getting married......Nope. I got a free sweet juice, no husband :) ) Anyway, I was so surprised by this act of kindness that I must have told four people about it when I got back to the office.

Today I was leaving a building in a hurry to my next appointment. On the sidewalk I passed this little old lady who was moving slowly pulling a large suit case behind her. I smiled and said hello as I passed. As I was passing I heard this little voice in my head say, "she looks like she's struggling, you should offer her a ride". By the time I finished the thought I was at my car. As I got into my car the guilt increased. I was disappointed in myself for not showing kindness by at least asking if she needed help. But, as usual I was in a hurry. I did cirlce around to see if I saw her. I was releived to see that she was waiting at a bus stop. Sidenote..... don't get concerned about me. I am not going the "everyone should pick up strangers on the side of the road" route with this post. :)

A month or so ago I was having car trouble. A good friend let me use her car to drive to my parents for the weekend (two hours away). On my way back home on Sunday night my friends car died on me in the middle of no where. I was on a somewhat busy country road and did not have much of a phone signal. As I tried to call my family for help the tears began to flow. I was already stressed about the fact that my own car needed work and now I was stranded with a friends broken car. Long story short is that I was able to contact my family and all ended was ok. I think I stood by the car waiting for my family for about 45 minutes. What struck me after about 15 minutes was the cars that were giong by without stopping to see if I was ok or if I needed help. As the minutes ticked by it almost turned in to a game. What car will stop? Who will be the kind person that will be concerned about this woman standing by her car in the heat crying? Car after car went by. Now, I ask you, "do I look like a serial killer?" I can understand what maybe a female alone maybe wouldn't stop for fear of it being a trap...... Again, I don't want to give the impression that I stop for hitch hikers.... I speed by plenty of people along side the roadways having car trouble.... Why was I so surprised that day? At one point a car did pull off the road about 15 feet in front of me. The winner. A nice couple my parents age who are concerned about this poor girs stranded a long side the road. Nope. The lady jumped out of the passenger side and retreived something from the trunk. She never even looked in my direction before she got back into the car and off they went. I was shocked! I realize there could be a hundred different reasons why someone did not stop. It just got me thinking I guess.

These situations have led me to these questions, "do I practice kindness?", are people surprised when they witness my kindness?", "would people describe me as a kind person?"

There are many times that I am deficient in the kindess department. I am most deficient when I am behind the wheel!! I admit it. I am not proud of it. I suffer from "road rage disorder". I think I am a pretty patient and tolerant person most of the time. It usually takes a lot to push me to my boiling point. BUT, put me on Nebraska street on my way to a meeting behind a person driving 20 mph and I turn into a different person! I'm sure that my horn will need to be replaced before my brakes. That's terrible to say I know. I really work on this too! I make a conscious effort every time I get in the car to be kind, be patient, take a deep breath, lay off the horn..... If I have ever been behind you in traffic I apologize! I'm working on it.

As I think through these things I usually come back to thoughts about what's truly important in life. I think about the busyness of life and what I miss becasue of it. My desire is to be someone who shows value to others. I am trying to look at things differently. Wouldn't it be incredible to get up in the morning thinking, "how can I show kindness to people today?" instead of "how can I get everything done today?" I'm a long way from it!